Loving your Spouse
Children need to grow up in a secure, loving environment. They feel most secure when they can see that Mom and Dad love one another beyond a shadow of doubt. This loving environment takes continual effort and planning to create and maintain in our lives, otherwise the “honeymoon” will be over long before it needs to be. Learning to love your spouse can therefore be one of the most important actions that you can take for your children. A few important areas that I believe couples need to address so that children can grow up in a secure, loving environment are as follows:
The Five Love Languages
There are five emotional love languages — five ways in which people speak and understand emotional love. The important thing is to speak the love language of your spouse. Love is a choice that has to be an appropriate one.
Words of Affirmation
Mark Twain once said, “I can live for two months on a good compliment”. Verbal appreciation speaks powerfully to persons whose primary love language is “Words of Affirmation”. Simple statements, such as “You look great in that suit!” or “You must be the best baker in the world! I love your biscuits!”, are sometimes all a person needs to hear to feel loved.
Mark Twain once said, “I can live for two months on a good compliment”. Verbal appreciation speaks powerfully to persons whose primary love language is “Words of Affirmation”. Simple statements, such as “You look great in that suit!” or “You must be the best baker in the world! I love your biscuits!”, are sometimes all a person needs to hear to feel loved.
Quality Time
Quality time is about focusing all your energy on your mate. A husband watching sports while talking to his wife is not spending quality time with her. Unless all your attention is focused on your mate, even an intimate dinner for two can come and go without a minute of quality time being shared. Quality time involves sharing experiences, thoughts, feelings and desires in a friendly, uninterrupted context. Spending time together will bring a couple closer.
Receiving Gifts
Some mates respond well to visual symbols of love. If you speak this love language, you are more likely to treasure any gift as an expression of love and devotion. You must understand that you are not investing the money in gifts, though, but in deepening your relationship with your mate. These gifts don’t need to come every day or even every week, and they don’t even need to cost a lot of money.
Acts of Service
Sometimes doing simple chores around the house can be an undeniable expression of love. Even simple things such as doing the laundry and taking out the rubbish require some form of planning, time, effort and energy. Just as Jesus showed when he washed the feet of his disciples, doing humble chores can be a very powerful expression of love and devotion to your mate. But it is important to do these acts of service out of love, not obligation.
Physical Touch
Many mates feel most loved when they receive physical contact from their partner. For a mate who speaks this love language loudly, physical touch can make or break the relationship. Many parts of the body are extremely sensitive to stimulation. It is important to discover how your partner responds, not only physically but also psychologically to these touches. Some touches are irritating and uncomfortable for your mate. Take the time to learn the touches that your mate likes. Different mates like different kinds of touches that make them feel loved.
To learn more about these five love languages, read Gary Chapman’s best-selling book,
The Five Love Languages.
Putting Romance back into your Marriage
Engaging "Intense Fellowship" Maturely